Lunch with Family

About a week after my birthday, Daddy texted me to see if I wanted to come to lunch with him and my sister. He felt that we needed to discuss what had happened and get everything out in the open.

After my sister begged me to come, I reluctantly agreed. But I wanted to talk to her beforehand. I had not really had the opportunity to hear how she was interpreting the situation. I knew that he was living with The Mistress and that he was lying to her about it, but I wasn't sure if she believed him or not.

Sadly, I discovered that, while she was just as hurt and upset as I was, she didn't want to ruin this new relationship that she had with Daddy. He had now begun to call her and confide in her - something he had not done before. He was taking advantage of her non-combative personality to get inside her head. This absolutely infuriated me.

I had decided that I was going to confront him about these indiscretions while at lunch. I had made a mental list of all I wanted to say. I rehearsed my speech over and over again to make sure I wouldn't forget anything. As nervous as I was about this meeting, I was almost becoming excited about it. He needed to see how much he had hurt us and I was just the person to show him.

I got to the restaurant a bit early and spotted Daddy and my sister in the parking lot beside his patrol car. As I walked closer to them, my palms began to sweat and memories of the way Daddy used to be flooded my mind. Already, I was fighting back tears.

Once inside, we ordered and found a table near the door. Daddy looked at me and said, "Well, let's hear it then." My rehearsed dialogue was right there on my lips, but I couldn't speak. Tears sprang to my eyes, not because I was sad or even angry, but because I was disappointed. All that I could think about was how this man was once my rock and my hero. But now, sitting there across from me, he was defeated and worn. He looked so sad.

I knew this would happen, really. I knew that I would clam up in front of him. No matter how many times I played this conversation in my head, no matter how confident I felt, deep down I knew that I wouldn't be able to stand up to him. But this time, it wasn't out of respect or fear. It was out of horrible sadness.

I did get a few things off my chest. I was able to tell him that I couldn't forgive him for his adultery, especially since he was now living with The Mistress while still married to Momma. I told him that I did not believe him when he said that "this just happened"; this was a conscious decision, not an involutary action.

And, apparently, I managed to anger him quite a bit. He kept telling us how upset The Mistress was because of how hurt we were. He told me about a time - back before any of this came out - that I saw her in town one day and she was "just sick" about having an affair and my not knowing. I simply said, "I bet she was freaked out." He snapped at me, saying he didn't need my bitter attitude.

But at this point, I don't care what he thinks he needs. I think he needs a swift kick in the ass.